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This Book Has Me Confused! – ‘The Women of Troy’ by Pat Barker

I’ve written several drafts of this review. After many revisions, I’m still not quite sure where I stand on this one.

The Women of Troy takes place after the fall of the ancient city, Troy, and offers glimpses into the lives of Trojan women, captured and taken as slaves for the Greeks. For lack of a better way to describe it, I have such weird feelings about this book. There is definitely a good deal of political intrigue, which I’m a sucker for.

The Greek camp, stationed outside of Troy, is ruled over by five kings, each with a different group loyal to him. You have Odysseus, largely considered the brains behind the final assault on Troy (the Trojan horse was his idea); Agamemnon, generally considered to rule with an iron fist; his brother Menelaus, much maligned for his undying love of Helen of Troy (the relationship is considered the catalyst for war); Nestor, an elderly and ailing but highly respected man; And finally, Pyrrhus, teenage son of the late Achilles, who is constantly trying to live up to his father’s reputation.

Even after Troy falls to the Greeks, the fighters can’t leave because constant high winds prevent them from sailing. They are left to wonder which gods they have offended and how they can make the best of this situation. Possibly because they have been stuck on Trojan shores for weeks, tensions are always raised between the factions and they regularly appear on the brink of conflict. However, they always remain on the brink, about to spill over but never doing so in a major way. That is possibly my biggest gripe with the book. Nothing much happens until about page 155 of 284. For me, that pacing is painfully slow. I nearly gave up on it!

Also, and this is more of an observation than a complaint, The Women of Troy does not feel like it’s about women, at least not as much as you’d think. This is going to be the hardest for me to explain because it’s a feeling in my bones more than anything. Yes, a majority of the book is told from a woman’s point of view. Briseis was a former queen of Lyrnessus until Achilles sacked her city and took her as “prize of honor”. Though Achilles is now dead, she is pregnant with his child throughout this book and their relationship somehow remains complicated.

It’s through her eyes that we learn about women’s lives and roles in this camp. And yes, we do occasionally get glimpses at the desires and motivations of these women, these are mostly communicated through internal monologues or scenes here and there. It’s worth noting though that some of the chapters are narrated in a close third person and follow either Pyrrhus or Calchas, a seer or priest. Though the change of perspective is not always clearly communicated, we do learn a lot about these characters. We get hints at their internal struggles and vulnerabilities, in a way that is very similar to the women. However, on both of these ends we see a struggle within a patriarchal system built on reputation. This book really isn’t about the women of Troy in the strict sense. You’d be more apt to call it the cruelty of man. The cruelty of man against woman, sure. But also, the cruelty of man amongst his brothers and himself.

I will say, what this book may lack in pacing was clearly put into character development. All of these characters feel richly developed and it is for them that I’m considering visiting the novel previous to this, The Silence of the Girls, which apparently gives more backstory to Briseis.

I really feel like I need to sit with my feelings a bit more on this one. If you are a patient reader, I definitely recommend this one. However, if you’re looking for a fast-paced action-packed plot, maybe it’s not the right novel. If anything, the characters are a major saving grace no matter what.

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The Girl Lost in Diamonds

The warmth of your hand in mine,
A crystalized moment,
I want to stay forever
In your dazzling coolness,
Blinded by the sparkling waves,
A happy hysteria,
I’d be glad to lose my mind
If it meant I could be lost in you.

Uneven breathing,
Traveling eyes,
So many things I want to describe,
But left speechless by the sublime.

Cut me with your edges,
A pain that slowly unfurls,
A searing, desperate ache.
Build me up, limb by limb
Recreate the girl, who lived in sin.
Make her glitter,
Make her shine!
Bolder than the diamond in your eyes.

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How Grief Kick-Started My Self Discovery

Some of you who read this blog may know that this month will mark four years since my dad passed away. This isn’t my first time talking about grief and losing my father. When I was in college, I even wrote an editorial about it and that was less than a year after his passing. I talked about how much I missed him and how I was initially eager for these feelings of grief to subside because they were so intrusive. However, by the end, I was able to appreciate the grief in a way. After all, what is grief if not recognition of the positive impact someone made on you? There’s something beautiful in that. In fact, I’d argue if I wasn’t grieving, that would be even sadder for different reasons.

I don’t know why my dad insisted on wearing sunglasses for this indoor picture.

When my dad passed, I was just starting my junior year of college. On top of my coursework, I was busy as an editor for the student-run newspaper. Effectively, I kept myself preoccupied to avoid really sitting with my feelings. On top of that, my dad was my go-to person for advice. I was essentially relying on him to guide me in my path forward after college. Being a family-pride-centered person at the time, my primary goal was to make him and the rest of my family proud of me. Now, I was just a big pile of avoidance. Not only was I avoiding my feelings, but I told myself that I would know the path forward after graduation. LOL if only life were that simple.

I will say, now that I’m not in school and I’m working on this blog full-time right now, my feelings have resurfaced in a big way. Sometimes, it all feels like too much, like I let it just pile up and I don’t have the bandwidth to handle it. I’m also trying to find out what exactly will make me proud of myself. That last part is extremely tricky. I have to figure out who I am separate from the relationships I let define me.

What I’m finding is that, through self-discovery, I’m becoming a person I may not have recognized a few years ago. I’m experimenting with different hair colors (beyond blonde and brunette) that many in my family didn’t approve of me getting. Right now it’s fairly red, which a few of them have joked or argued with me about. I’ve gotten really into working out (they are actually very supportive about it) and I’m exploring the world of meditation and crystal keeping (also fodder for jokes).

As a self-conscious person, the judgment I feel over the decisions I’ve made has been very difficult for me. This is not to mention that I also am a people pleaser. The judgment occasionally makes me question whether or not I am on the right path for myself. After all, I spent so many years thinking that my family knew all the answers for me. When confronted with any sort of opposition, I have to fight that instinct to automatically agree and push my own desires to the side. This is something I’m still actively working on. While I don’t always succeed at this, it’s something I’m getting better at by the day.

I’m still sorting through the sadness about my dad. I’ve said this before and I will say it again, I’m not sure I’ll ever fully recover from the loss. Even after four years, that is okay. The memory of lost loved ones is something we will always carry with us. That is simply beautiful. I’m not sure I will ever be the same person, either. And you know what? I don’t want to be. As scary and shaky as the process of finding myself is, it is necessary work.

At the end of the day, you are the one that has to live with yourself. You have to make decisions that make you safe, happy and proud. If you are like me, and worry about what other people think constantly, just follow your anxiety to its logical conclusion or to the next step. That’s how you unravel the catastrophe. “Oh but X person might laugh at me!” Okay, and what’s the worst that comes from that? Sure, it might sting a little at first. But how do you feel about the decision you made? Don’t your feelings matter? How does it serve you to put X’s feelings above your own?

These are just some questions you can ask yourself to diminish the fear. If those intrusive thoughts and fears come back, go down the line of questions again. With how frequently I battle intrusive thoughts, I know that sometimes I’ve had to do this exercise 20 or so times in a row before my brain got tired of harassing me. It’s not always easy to train at believing in yourself but, trust me, it is always worth it.

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Setbacks Do Not Make You a Failure

Fun fact! This was originally an idea for a poem I’ve been working on but I shelved that for now because I just want to be blunt about how I’m feeling. It’s almost comical how many versions of myself I’ve thrown away. Now, I understand this is hardly unique to me. Change is part of the growth process for everyone and it’s in dealing with change that we become who we are supposed to be. However, I tend to throw away versions of myself rather quickly. Before I started my affirmation journal, I’d mentally set a goal for who I wanted to become. I’d say, “Okay, I’m going to take X, Y, and Z steps today and this will lead me to my goal.” Just thinking about these steps, I would get tired and maybe declare defeat after a week at most.

Then I’d set a new goal, usually something unrelated. The monologue would continue, something like, “Last week I set a goal to be more active. Well, I sat around all day today so clearly I failed. Let’s move on to something else then. Don’t want to sit in the sting of failure for too long.” Having given up on the goal to be more active, maybe I’d choose to focus on my spiritual self. “Oh shoot, I didn’t meditate or research today! Looks like I screwed up my path to spiritual awakening.” I felt like would either have to start from square one or move on to something else yet again. This would only aggravate my depressive mood swings as I’d feel absolutely worthless, lazy and generally undisciplined.

This dog looks like they’re having a ruff day (feel free to unfollow me) even with rose-colored glasses on!

In hindsight, this pattern all just seems self-defeating. I was beginning to define myself by my tendency to fail rather than my ability to continue on. Essentially, just because you have a lazy day, it doesn’t mean you aren’t an overall active person. If you didn’t actively engage in your spiritual practice today, that doesn’t mean you aren’t still on the journey. This is a realization that has taken me 24 years to reach. Don’t get me wrong, I still get down about it all the time. However, I always remind myself that I am still worthy and doing well with my goals, even on my worst days when I don’t believe it.

Today is one of those days. I’m feeling really emotional and finding it difficult to sit down and write this. It’s like I want to crawl in a hole or sink into my bed. And I may well do that once I’m done writing. I’m no mental health professional, but I think being in your emotions is fine for awhile. If you don’t let them out, in my experience, they can fester into something that is way beyond control. However, the important thing is that we do not stay in this state of frustration, self-doubt or apathy. If we need therapy or medication to cope, as a person who uses both, I fully endorse that path as well. There should be no shame in how you are able to navigate toward your goals, as long as you are doing so with no harm to yourself or others.

Even if today is a rough draft kind of day, you are still well on your way to becoming a masterpiece.

Book Review: The Heart of the Sun Warrior by Sue Lynn Tan

Unfortunately, the statement in the YouTube thumbnail is not clickbait. I filmed this review days ago and the emotions are still fresh. Heart of the Sun Warrior is not without its problems, which we will explore further in the video. However, it is the mark of great literature and world building that allows one to feel this way about fictional characters. Though I may have disagreed with more than a few directions she chose to go, Sue Lynn Tan deserves high praise for taking us on this journey that has spanned two books and countless great character moments.

New Patreon Benefit Added: Monthly Personal Tarot Readings

Hi everyone, I’m so glad to be back on the blog and I hope you enjoyed the recent introduction of a videos on here. It’s been fun to learn the whole process of editing, effects and scripting. So, I have some exciting news!

I recently a new benefit for my $4 a month patrons. The link at the end of this post will take you there. Once your support is pledged, I will add you to my calendar to get your own monthly tarot reading! Here’s how it works:

After you pledge, you can message me through Patreon with your preferred email and any particular topic you’d like covered in your reading. If you do not message me, I will use the email provided through Patreon and give you a general reading based on the cards I pull for you. I will send you your reading within 24 hours of your pledge. Typically, I do a three-card spread with a bonus card for what you should focus on immediately/for the day. if you would like more or less cards for clarity, that is fine, too. I will email you a picture of your spread and how I interpret it based on the topics you’d like to discuss. You can send me as many follow-up questions as you like. However, I ask that you send me follow-up questions through Patreon just so my email does not get too overloaded.

A dear friend just bought me this deck. Though I have others, how cool would it be for these iconic Disney villains to provide your reading?

If you would like to do readings in a format other than email, I ask that you indicate that preference in our Patreon messages. The same goes for if you just wanted to do a support pledge and did not want your own Tarot reading. Just let me know!

Future readings will work in a similar way to the first. Let’s say I gave you a reading today, September 2. I will then put you in my calendar for October 2, November 2, December 2 and so on. Should you decide to end your pledge, the readings will stop at that time.

Of course, as a $4 a month patron you will get access to other benefits, such as your name in the credits of my YouTube videos, exclusive access to pictures, videos, and writings I haven’t posted anywhere else (mostly my new puppy up to his shenanigans)! Also, you will get a direct say in the content I produce through suggestions and voting.

Rocky, my 13-week-old Shih Tzu Maltese mix, has made a couple appearances on Patreon!

My goal has been and continues to be that I keep most of my content free to consume. However, I noticed that I talk a lot on this platform and others about taking your dreams seriously, the inherent power in that. My greatest desire is to do all this, the work I love, for a living and completely dedicate myself to it. Providing this service to you is a pivotal step in realizing my goals. Not to mention, I hope we can have some fun along the way!

https://www.patreon.com/juliewrites?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

“I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jennette McCurdy | An Incredible Journey of Self Discovery

As a fan of iCarly in my younger years, I always thought McCurdy was a great actress. And now I know she is because of the immense pain and trauma that she expertly hid just below the surface. Check out the full video review below! Whether you read this memoir, want to read it or rest somewhere in between, I’m interested to know your thoughts!

Does Shock Value Have a Place in Literature? | A Discussion of ‘Tender is the Flesh’ by Agustina Bazterrica

Despite a disturbing and at times horrific premise, it can’t be ignored that Tender Is The Flesh touches on some important topics such as: poverty, injustice, the corrupting nature of influence, hypocrisy, and the power of socialization to normalize atrocities. With all that said and for all it’s true shock value, though it was in service of a theme, I wish these topics were more thoroughly explored. Beyond saying they exist, Bazterrica or Moses fumbles at the end with little else to add.

I Was Not Prepared for This Horror Novel!

I hope you enjoy this review! The book was definitely a wild ride, full of well-developed characters, gruesome imagery and a rather gross reveal. I may be adding some more horror reads to my TBR (To Be Read) list. Do you have any recommendations? Let me know in the comments!

Purple Hibiscus: The Importance of Telling Diverse Stories

In today’s book review, we dive into Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie! We’ll explore social issues, corrupt politics, and religious extremism in this tale of a teenage girl in Nigeria and her family that still strikes a chord nearly two decades later!

A Truly Dark Fairytale: ‘All the Murmuring Bones’ by A.G. Slatter

Hey guys, I hope you’ll forgive me as I am embarrassingly late to posting this video on here. If you like this review, you may want to stick around for the next one which will be Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie! The novel follows two siblings in Nigeria as their family is split up during a period of civil unrest.

I will save more about that plot for another day, another post! Two last calls to action before we dive in (please laugh) to this tale of merfolk, greed, power and, most importantly, courage.

If you would like to see these videos early, please consider subscribing to my YouTube channel where they will be posted first! Also, if you would like to vote on future books for review, get access to exclusive content, and see your name at the end of my videos, you might want to check out my Patreon! A link to that will be below the video. Thank you so much for your continued support either way!

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/juliewrites

Taylor Jenkins Reid and the Art of Form

In today’s video, we are discussing Taylor Jenkins Reid’s The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and drawing comparisons to the newer of her works, Daisy Jones and The Six. Together, we will discover just how much form matters to our characters and story! I didn’t want to just do a book review because many, many people have given their thoughts on Evelyn Hugo already. So, what can the writing style in this novel tell us about its characters?

Book Review: Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan

Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan follows the harrowing adventures of Xingyin as she works to set her mother free from imprisonment on the moon. Along the way, she will encounter love, betrayal and treachery in a kingdom where gossip and rumor rule with an iron fist. Tan’s debut novel is packed with breathtaking magical fantasy landscapes and constant action. Please, stop what you’re doing and read it!

Reader Poll: Which Book Should I Review?

My first exclusive reader poll is up now on Patreon! It’s important to me that you guys have a say in the content that I put out. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this if it wasn’t for you! Because of that, I want to give you all the benefits possible. The video below explains the voting process and the Patreon link will send you there. While you’re over there, check out the other exclusive content you’ll have access to as well as the added perk of getting your name featured at the end of posts and videos!

Check out the poll here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/66330334

A very special shout out to my first patron, Jazz, for all the encouragement and support. And don’t worry, I understand that times are tough and supporting me on Patreon is by no means required! I have always said that I will continue to put out free content. At the same time, I’d love nothing more than to dedicate my life to putting work out there that will make others smile or feel seen. Your contribution, including the time you spend engaging with me, is truly invaluable.