Does it ever scare you to think that your entire self exists in your head? I’m not trying to say that the things you feel around you and your concept of reality is not real. What I mean is, your entire self-concept and personality exists in the space between your ears. It’s such a fragile thing, really. So malleable and prone to being lost. Honestly, one of my biggest fears is falling and sustaining a massive head injury, leaving me forever altered, unable to speak, write or think like myself.
Sometimes, when I’m in a more positive mood, I take the flexibility and fragility of the self to be a positive thing. You are capable of changing at any time. Depending on the context, that is either a dreadful or hopeful sentiment. I’m not even quite sure what the purpose of today’s post is. I originally was going to make this into a poem, as I do a lot of the things I think about. But instead, I feel like I just need to vent this out and have a conversation. It’s something that’s weighed heavily on my mind (no pun intended). It’s also been the source of a lot of my anxiety lately and I’m not sure why.
I will be the first to tell you that it is useless to constantly be harping on the “what ifs”. You could easily come back at me and say well what if the sky falls tomorrow? Worrying about something we’re not sure is going to happen within reason is enough to freeze us in our anxieties and is unhealthy. However, the anxiety feels real and it can be difficult to combat that. Nonetheless, we have to try. So even though I said in the last paragraph that I’m not sure what the purpose of today’s post was, I think I found it now. It helps me to write down what worries me. Identify the fear so you can unravel it. I can’t take credit for that nugget of advice. It comes from a dear friend.
We may indeed lose ourselves somewhere in the noisiness of life. However, that is why we need to cherish what we have in the now and build toward our goals while we are able. I can’t sit here and tell you that it won’t happen or that it’s a useless fear for myself or anyone else because frankly we have no way of knowing. Today is what we have. Let’s do what we can and make ourselves proud!
Hidden Jules 