So, our first couple’s vacation is in the books! We had an excellent time in Florida and it was great to see family and check out all the parks!
Honestly, I am very proud of us for accomplishing all we did. Not only did we physically navigate the parks independently, but also we planned this vacation completely on our own. With my physical disability, that included making sure our seats were together and not too far back on the plane, arriving early enough to the parks to make sure we could get a wheelchair or scooter, (We almost didn’t get it one day.) And making sure our hotel room was accessible. When we arrived at the hotel, we didn’t actually have the accessible room we booked, so we were shuffled around a few times before landing at our final room.
Even with the slight hiccups that we experienced, I wouldn’t change the past week for the world. My fiancé and I got to spend invaluable time together, away from the outside influences that sometimes drive a wedge between us. We learned that, despite my fears, we actually do work really well together as a team. I have all the more hope in our future.
One thing we kept repeating during the trip was that we couldn’t believe this was happening and that we didn’t think our plans would go so smoothly. Sure, a lot of this had to do with the fact that we had never vacationed alone. However, it can’t be ignored that we faced a lot of doubt from other people too. A fair amount of family and friends tried to convince us to take my mom along at first. Thankfully, we resisted. Still, and let me put on my Carrie Bradshaw voice for this, I couldn’t help but wonder, how is self-belief possible when your external environment is infiltrated by doubt?
I’ve heard it 1,000 times: Believe in yourself even when no one else will. That’s an excellent sentiment but, at least in my experience, it can be a lot more difficult in practice. When you consider the fact that I’m still growing in my independence journey and I often suffer from self-doubt and circular thoughts, believing in myself seems like a childish fantasy at times. I often feel like I do not know the best way forward and that most of the people in my life are more knowledgeable than me about myself. I had a nagging worry in the back of my mind most of the trip that something was going to go wrong, that we were foolish for doing this or that those who doubted us were right.
However, I have noticed that the best way, perhaps the only way, to combat circular thoughts is to keep defeating them. Whenever a doubt pops up, treat it like a game of whack-a-mole and say, “No, I’m capable of handling this!” That’s why I will be an advocate for affirmations until the day I die. Keep repeating these things until you believe it. Trust that no one knows what you are capable of better than yourself and it is never too late to grow and become the person you want to be. Other people’s opinions are just that, opinions. No one is signing these beliefs into law and they only have as much weight as you give them.
Sure, as I said before, these doubts were always present in my mind. However, it is worth repeating that they were in the back of my mind. I would not let them rule me as they have in the past. Even if tomorrow I feel like a nerve-stricken mess, no one can take the victory of the past week away from me or my fiancé. This one experience has been a sign of major growth and I am always going to be proud of us for that.
Hidden Jules 