Setbacks Do Not Make You a Failure

Fun fact! This was originally an idea for a poem I’ve been working on but I shelved that for now because I just want to be blunt about how I’m feeling. It’s almost comical how many versions of myself I’ve thrown away. Now, I understand this is hardly unique to me. Change is part of the growth process for everyone and it’s in dealing with change that we become who we are supposed to be. However, I tend to throw away versions of myself rather quickly. Before I started my affirmation journal, I’d mentally set a goal for who I wanted to become. I’d say, “Okay, I’m going to take X, Y, and Z steps today and this will lead me to my goal.” Just thinking about these steps, I would get tired and maybe declare defeat after a week at most.

Then I’d set a new goal, usually something unrelated. The monologue would continue, something like, “Last week I set a goal to be more active. Well, I sat around all day today so clearly I failed. Let’s move on to something else then. Don’t want to sit in the sting of failure for too long.” Having given up on the goal to be more active, maybe I’d choose to focus on my spiritual self. “Oh shoot, I didn’t meditate or research today! Looks like I screwed up my path to spiritual awakening.” I felt like would either have to start from square one or move on to something else yet again. This would only aggravate my depressive mood swings as I’d feel absolutely worthless, lazy and generally undisciplined.

In hindsight, this pattern all just seems self-defeating. I was beginning to define myself by my tendency to fail rather than my ability to continue on. Essentially, just because you have a lazy day, it doesn’t mean you aren’t an overall active person. If you didn’t actively engage in your spiritual practice today, that doesn’t mean you aren’t still on the journey. This is a realization that has taken me 24 years to reach. Don’t get me wrong, I still get down about it all the time. However, I always remind myself that I am still worthy and doing well with my goals, even on my worst days when I don’t believe it.

Today is one of those days. I’m feeling really emotional and finding it difficult to sit down and write this. It’s like I want to crawl in a hole or sink into my bed. And I may well do that once I’m done writing. I’m no mental health professional, but I think being in your emotions is fine for awhile. If you don’t let them out, in my experience, they can fester into something that is way beyond control. However, the important thing is that we do not stay in this state of frustration, self-doubt or apathy. If we need therapy or medication to cope, as a person who uses both, I fully endorse that path as well. There should be no shame in how you are able to navigate toward your goals, as long as you are doing so with no harm to yourself or others.

Even if today is a rough draft kind of day, you are still well on your way to becoming a masterpiece.